Sigh... just one of those days.

I have been sooo bored today I cant even describe it. I know I have a lame excuse for missing church today but I did. At work (Desert Schools Federal Credit Union) we are updating our system over example: from windows 2000 to windows vista... get it? So this has been my schedule since Thursday, I opened on thursday and closed, Friday I worked opened and worked until 6 ish. then Saturday we had to go in at 4:45 IN THE A.M. yah, guys thats before the flippin sun comes up. And of course I went out the night before so I didn't get in bed until after 1:00. So we go in, start working. What we are doing is taking our days work from Friday, done on the old system, and doing all those transactions on the new system. Well after a couple of hours or so of posting the system starts having some problems, and the main office makes us wait until further notice... they said we should be still reposting at about 10:30... well, reposting never happened again really but they made stay there and wait on standby until 2:00 in the afternoon and then finally sent us home because they had a major crash of the server :( lame, so all that work we just did was for no reason. BUT the kicker is that they wanted us back there at 10:00 that night to start all over again. So when I go home at two I was running on like 2 hours of sleep, so I freakin CRASH out like a light and dont even wake up til after 9:00 pm. BAD NEWS BEARS! I was freakin wide awake. we go in at 10, start working, and then they make us hold up, but overall this time around went much smoother. Our branch was the first ones done, and we left just after 2:30 ish in the morning. So I tried to go to bed but who can sleep? I felt like I slept through the night and was up at 10 pm ready for the next day.. I was up until after 4:30 in the ever loving moring trying to wind down and get tired. So church just didnt happen for me today. Wow this turned into a long post. But the whole point of where I was going with this is that I am sooo meloncholy today. Just one of those days that only having Jimmie here would have made me happy. My mom is out of town, and Sunday today just didnt feel like Sunday because she wasnt home. She wasnt going around the house doing laundry, working on the computer, watching a movie and having lunch with me. So it was just me and my dad and brother today. Which most of the day we all spent in our own rooms sleeping, but I was awake. And alone; just feeling lonely. I know I know I could have called some friends went out, called Sonya and went over to her house... but I guess today I just wanted to be sad. I finally have reached the point in my waiting experience whereI feel like Jimmie isn't real. Like he is just my boyfriend in the past that I keep holding on to for no reason. I feel like Sonya is my friend and that Jimmie's family has adopted me into their family and that Jimmie isnt even connected to me at all. Right now, I need him to throw me a romantic bone. Ya know what I mean? Not just the same old same old, the I love you babe, have a good week, talk about whats been goin on with both of us, say that we cant believe how fast time is moving blah blah blah... I need something special... something to keep me holding on; like when he first left I LIVED for the days that I would get letters, which he has been the best missionary boyfriend ever, becuase up until these past two weeks, he has written me a letter every week. I think that letters have lagged though because he has been SOO unbelievably busy. He just got transfered maybe 3 weeks ago and this new area is a hotbed of investigators and last week alone he taught like 37 lessons. Also the fact that we email back and forth for an hour every Tuesday takes away material for letters. I know Jimmie is loving his mission and wouldn't want to be any where else. But before his mission he said I can't wait to start and pay my two years to spend eternity with you. Now I know he doesnt think of his mission and a sentence or anything... but in the whole waiting for each other thing, I feel like now both he and I are just paying our time. Making the most of our time yes, but just paying our dues... I think so. Lately I have been remembering what it is like to be with him, to touch his face, his silly facial expressions, what it's like to go to a movie with him, or drive in the car. I know those things sound so small and trivial, but seriously. I miss that! You never realize how much everything means to you until you dont have it any more. I have been remembering what its like to kiss him. To just cuddle with him, or watch tv with him. Today was one of those days where I just wanted this... craved it...... needed it, couldnt have it, and got sad. Here is a fun fact though... year mark in T-minus SIXTEEN days. Holy mosed! Since when did it get to be a year since I last saw my Yimmie? check out my countowdn... as of Monday May 25th I am on the same row as the year mark. YES!! IT IS IN SIGHT!

Holy CRAP! I am excited because after the year mark... its not TWO WHOLE YEARS or ONE WHOLE YEAR its LESS THAN A YEAR! as in... less than twelve months that my babe comes home. YES! this makes this goal of mine seam that much more attainable. But then again I have days like this where another year give or take just seams like an eternity away. Although I am happy though that I have that much time left because I still feel like I have a lot of life lessons to learn before he comes back. I have already learned so many this first year, but I know I am still not mature enough, mature enough for marraige, mature enough for the kind of relationship that I want to have. I hope I get a letter this week, Im thinking... OH CRAP I JUST REALIZED THERES NO FREAKIN MAIL ON MONDAYS! crap. well there goes that dream. Jimmie said in email on tuesday that he was gonna write me a letter this week, so I was hoping maybe it was just late and coming on monday.. but memorial day just shot that dream to hell. well peace out girl scouts I'll keep you posted. k bye.